We want to tell you a little about adoption from China, and how it works for us. We ask that you keep this information out of the hands of children. It is important that our child be told about her adoption, China’s culture, how infant girls were treated and what we know about her abandonment in a very careful manner, to give her the best possible chance of developing a healthy attitude as a youngster. Therefore, it is best that these details not be available to children, who may unwittingly feed this information back to her in an inappropriate manner down the road. We don’t want anyone to feel like they are “walking on eggshells” around our daughter, especially other kids, but it is perhaps best for you to decide what to tell your kids about her and the Chinese culture after you read the following information.
To adopt a healthy infant in China, one must be over 30, whether a couple or single. The Chinese age minimum reflects their belief that mature people make good parents and that (for their own citizens) prime child-bearing age has passed. This is their domestic law and the Chinese meticulously apply the same law to foreigners to ensure that foreigners do not have any advantage over their own citizens in the adoption process.
China has a one-child policy for population control. It is helpful to know that in the early 60’s Chairman Mao mandated a program called “The Great Leap Forward,” in which private land ownership was rescinded; much of the population was moved into collective farming and at the same time the people were encouraged to have children in order to “make China strong.” The result was a disaster of monumental proportions. While the population was growing, the absence of individual incentive on the farm as well as a bungling bureaucracy governed by fear, led to widespread crop failures and famine in which over 20 million people starved to death.
In a country roughly the size of the US China now has about 1.3 billion people, more than ¼ of the world’s population, and uncontrolled population growth would quickly make the nation unable to feed itself. They have therefore enacted measures which, at an individual level, are harsh in the extreme to limit childbirth. China has had in place for some time a one-child policy, and a couple must apply to a government social worker and receive an authorized schedule of when it is “their turn” to try for pregnancy. Forced abortion has been a common practice although we have heard little of it recently. The penalties for having unauthorized children are severe if discovered including monetary fines, loss of one’s position, potential imprisonment, social ostracism, etc. In some provinces, the seriousness of the one-child policy is chillingly demonstrated by the reported practice of publicly posting women’s menstrual cycles. The one-child policy is the reason for Chinese adoption law stating that only the childless may adopt an infant, and that same law is applied to foreigners.
Cultural Preference for Boys: There is a Chinese cultural preference for boys for a couple of reasons. First, the Chinese firstborn male child is expected by tradition, and in some cases required by law, to care for his parents; this is their “social security.” A daughter, by contrast, will marry and live with her husband where she will be expected to care for his parents. Second, only the son may perform ceremonies to uphold the traditions of their ancestors and carry on the family name; failure to do so is considered a betrayal of ancestors, a belief as strong as anyone’s religion. The cultural preference for boys has been enhanced by the one-child policy, despite the government’s discouragement of male preference. It is only speculation because the issue does not lend itself to investigation but it seems that baby girls are abandoned if firstborn in order to try again for a son, since they can have only one child. Girls are abandoned if second born because it is an illegal birth.
Abandonment of Babies: Even though it is illegal to give birth to a second child in China, after the illegal birth it is then against Chinese law to abandon the child. This is a Catch-22 for the birthparents, who must anonymously give up the child, before being found out, to someone who can care for her. Baby girls are typically left by their birthmothers in conspicuous public places where they will surely be found and cared for, i.e. on the steps of a police station, at the gate of an orphanage, etc. Such placement is a considerable risk to the birthmother, especially when she watches from a hiding place to make sure the child is promptly found. It is not unusual for the birthmother to “mark” the child, using special plant juices which make a permanent mark on the skin or even a small burn; such marks are considered to be a reminder to all, and especially to the child when she grows older, that the birthmother loved the child, and wanted to keep her but simply could not.
Ours Will Probably be a Girl: The Chinese orphanages are populated with about 95% girls but we have indicated that we have no preference in gender.
The Chinese Adoption Center (CAC) and Orphanages: China established the national Chinese Adoption Center (CAC) to process domestic and foreign adoptions in compliance with adoption law. The orphanages scattered around the country are independently operated by the local province, comparable to US states. It is up to the local orphanage, with a little help from CAC, to establish contact with CAC and provide referrals of adoptable children to them. Orphanage directors and staff, who personally deliver each child to adoptive parents in-country, care a great deal for the kids in their care, according to those who have already adopted in China. Though they are woefully short of resources and cannot give each child adequate personal attention, they always seem delighted when adoptions are completed and the girls are on their way to a better life. The CAC requires both the orphanage and those seeking to adopt to comply with all applicable rules and laws. The CAC basically stands between the two parties, each eager to complete the adoption, and forces them to complete the painfully slow process.
Where in China? China is roughly the size of the continental US, including Tibet in the extreme West, Mongolia in the North and Manchuria in the Northeast. These three areas appear to be largely populated by people regarded as minorities by the “Han” Chinese who predominate in China. The Northern and Western areas contain much desert, are extremely cold in winter, are more sparsely populated and rural, and have more severe malnutrition and health problems. Scant information suggests these extreme outer provinces are not subject to the one child policy, but those reports are not confirmed. That may explain why adoptions, foreign at least, do not come from those regions.
The adoption orphanages are mainly in central and Southern China, but rarely Beijing for some reason. The climate is varied, but very tropical in the summer in the Southern part of the country.
Orphanage Conditions: Orphanage conditions are reasonably good and improving. Reports from hundreds of couples who have adopted in China indicate, with very few exceptions, that, while the orphanages are under-staffed and under-resourced, the orphanage director and nurses (called nannies) care strongly for the kids and give them the best care they can. Tears upon turning over the kids to adoptive parents are common because of the attachments they have developed. Furthermore, the health of the kids is predominately good. They are typically between 6 and 15 months old at adoption. While they may be slightly underfed and somewhat developmentally delayed, since they don’t receive a lot of individual attention in an orphanage, all reports are that they catch up (and fatten up) quickly.
As part of the adoption process, we are required to pay a “donation” to the orphanage in US cash ostensibly to pay for the cost of rearing the child. Since foreign adoptions are relatively new in China, this is a new source of funds for the orphanages. One would naturally suspect that such a payment may end up in someone’s pocket (we have no way of knowing that doesn’t happen), but reports are that the cash is plowed back into the orphanage and thereby conditions are improving.
Some of you may have seen “The Dying Rooms,” a British documentary on brutality in Chinese orphanages made some years ago and recently rebroadcast. Undercover reporters with hidden cameras recorded abuse of orphanage kids, including placing the sick in a “Dying Room” where they were allowed to wither away and die. At the time of its first broadcast, China vehemently denied the truth of the documentary and protested with several actions including a near-shutdown of the foreign adoption program. Most accounts indicate the report was sensationalized at a minimum, but there probably were and maybe still are orphanages in China where children are mistreated -- after all, from time to time we discover institutions here in the US where those in their care are mistreated! However, every account we have heard from those who have already made the trip say their orphanage may be short on staff or resources, but they really seem to care for the kids. Most reports are positive about the orphanages from a group of very concerned adopting parents. While it is possible the orphanages are selected for exposure to foreigners, the bottom line is that adoption-source orphanages seem to be decent places with rare exceptions.
Chinese Foster Care: Some of the orphanages’ children are in foster care, which is better for the child’s care but heart-rending at separation because the foster mother (auntie) and father are typically very devoted and attached to the child.
The Chinese People: All reports from those who have made the trip say the same thing: the Chinese people mob you on the street when they see you with your daughter. They are quite friendly, usually none speak English, and there is a lot of incomprehensible comment on both sides while they try to find out what you are doing there and where did you get the Chinese girl? Once the language barrier is broken and you are able to convey that you adopted a Chinese daughter, their reaction is to say “lucky girl” when they understand she is going to America. It is common in China to use “business cards” to introduce oneself personally; we’ll steal someone else’s excellent idea and have cards printed with a message, in English on one side and Mandarin on the other, explaining who we are and that we are in China to adopt our daughter named ________ , after which we will take her back to America. That should help our interaction on the streets.
The Chinese on the street are not shy, and they readily poke, tickle and generally play with the child, perhaps because they love babies and there are so few. The Chinese habitually cover their babies in multiple layers of clothing (5 seems to be a minimum), even in warm weather, and we have received many warnings that if the child has too few layers of clothing according to the Chinese on the street, we will receive a strong lecture in Chinese from a woman just about every ten feet we walk!
