Our Adoption Process - When We Return Home

Bonding: There have been very few problems experienced with the child bonding to the adoptive parents, although the amount of time it takes varies. Sometimes it is immediate; normally the child warms up to the parents (well, at least one of the parents) over a couple of days and bonds in a short period of time; a few cases have been reported of over six months to form a very tight attachment. On occasion the child was with the birthmother for months before abandonment, often the child is with foster parents for a considerable period, or becomes particularly attached to the orphanage director or a nurse. Even though the child may be too young to communicate her feelings she may grieve for a period of time, either outwardly or through withdrawal, upon being separated from people she has grown close to and that grieving is a factor in bonding to her parents. We cannot force this and we must keep in mind that she didn’t choose us, we chose her!

Adjustment: Most of the kids travel relatively well but there is some strain involved with strange new sights, sounds, smells, and all the people who look different. When we return, we’ll have to be careful for a while in letting her become accustomed to her new surroundings. If she is shy and reluctant to be passed around, please understand. After a short period of adjustment, if everything goes well she’ll quickly transition into being a normal kid. Lifelink requires a one year follow up period, where our case worker will come to our home for observation. We will provide her with medical records on a regular basis, and pictures of our child (6 pictures every 2 months) that will be put in our file at the agency and also sent to the orphanage in China so that they can see how well she’s doing.

Pediatrician: We have an excellent pediatrician at UW Hospital who specializes in international adoption. She will review our original referral paperwork and be available to us via phone and internet while we are in China. Our agency requires a complete physical exam by our pediatrician within 24 hours of arriving back in Wisconsin. (They say that they know we will be terribly jet-lagged, but we must get her examined and then we can settle into our new family life. There will also be monthly follow up exams.) It is important that the doctor know about “Mongolian Spots” which are very common dark patches on the buttocks and sometimes legs of Asian infants, and which dissipate as the child grows. We’d like to avoid the experience some have had of being accused of child abuse and having to prove their innocence after a babysitter or daycare worker, or even an uninformed nurse, sees the spots and calls the authorities. A letter from the doctor can help prevent those problems before they start.