We Got to go to the Mall

Those of you who know me well know that I hate going to the mall. I don’t like shopping, except with my mom in cute little towns with cute little stores. But Sunday we went to the mall, and it was a wonderful experience, one which I had never really expected. We just happened to be at JC Penney getting our Christmas pictures taken and decided to walk through the mall.

We have spent a number of years watching families: watching our best friends have children; watching our siblings have children and get very busy; going places and watching kids with their parents. Several years ago I made a decision to spend less time where I would run into families with small children, as sometimes it was just too painful. Infertility has its own special brand of torture…And even when the raw ache seemed to be lessening, it was only being slowly replaced by dark emptiness. But this Sunday, we walked through the mall, proud as you please, with our own little child. I didn't expect to feel anything special, we were just on an errand. But it was an unexpected experience, to feel like a normal family, to do a normal thing. The raw ache was magically replaced with inexpressible bliss. There is my strong husband, and there is my adorable child.

Perhaps you don't think much of shopping with your children. Or perhaps you are like we were, wandering the hallways, watching little children run up to their parents, and asking yourself, “Can I ever have this?” and sometimes thinking "I will never have this," or wonder….what would that feel like? What would it possibly be like if *we* had a little one who refused to hold our hand in a crowd, or begged for ice cream? Well, now we know, and it is amazing.

A preteen walked by with an ice cream cone. I hardly noticed her, but Josie began to bounce excitedly (she's been bouncing for 3 weeks straight) and say, through the bounces so it took me a minute to understand: “ICE CREAM! ICE cream!” I said, “Ask your daddy.” So she RAN as fast as her little legs could go into the store to find daddy, wrapped herself around him and said, “ICE CREAM!” Of course you can have ice cream, doll! Anything you want. Don’t be surprised if we have a pony in our yard someday. We get to take this little one home with us. And she calls us “Daddy and Mommy.”




Our sleepy angel.